How to discover if she is faking pleasure
and the reasons why even men “simulate”.
Q1:
Can women really fake orgasms?
Yes. And most of them often do.
That is far from being news. Long past are the times when Meg Ryan in “When Harry met Sally” made a stir in mimicking on cue, so convincingly, the bliss of a “One-Thousand-and-One-Nights” enjoyment.
And not in a bedroom either…
Q2:
Men, however, continue to wonder:
“What is the secret of such cunning mastery?”
As they say: ‘Practice makes perfect’.
It has been repeatedly estimated, from various studies in several countries, that around 70% of women have simulated orgasms.
Some regularly, even always, others on occasions.
The perpetration of this behaviour is helped by the fact that the majority of women are convinced that men cannot tell the difference between a real and a fake orgasm.
Q3:
Is that true? Or is there a way to distinguish them?
Actually…
Moans and pants are easy to reproduce, but there are other more subtle and unambiguous signs.
When approaching the climax, the heartbeat increases as well as the sweating. The breathing, which gets faster and heavier, is in tune with the rhythm of the body movements and muscle tension.
The lips, in the face and in the genitals, swell and become darker as they get flushed with blood. Some women show a widespread reddening of the skin, especially in the neck and cheeks. Pupils dilate. Nipples harden.
For the excitement, the clitoris swells, but with the impending orgasm, it “retires” under its protective cap to come out again only when the stimulation ends.
During an orgasm, the uterus, vagina and perineum undergo a series of rhythmic contractions, which are often leading to spasm of the toes, buckling of the back, and involuntary pelvic thrusts. Not to mention cases of female ejaculation.
Besides, the post-orgasmic resolution in the woman, unlike the man, requires around half an hour. So if, after her “climax”, she immediately gets up to carry out some chores… well, the chemistry is at least suspect.
Q4:
Can the fear that she is pretending affect the quality of the relationship?
Men generally do not think about it.
Most are convinced that it cannot happen with them… or they would notice it anyway.
The fact that the woman fakes her pleasure to preserve her companion’s self-esteem, and spare him doubts about his virile endowments, can be seen as a gesture of love and a way to preventing him to go astray.
Besides, simulating a state of high arousal can be stimulating for both.
Sometimes, the heat of the scene can induce an authentic excitement.
However, in the long run, there is the risk of triggering an insidious mechanism of dissatisfaction, hypocrisy, denial and misunderstandings that undermines the relationship. Paradoxically, it ends up pushing partners apart with the very act that should unite them.
Q5:
If a man suspects… Is it right to ask her?
It depends on his disposition, the type of relationship
and the way he expresses it.
Before investigating, he better be clear about what he intends to do with that information. He must be sure not to take it personally and, above all, to be ready for changes, if necessary.
On the other hand, the woman must show consideration and be able to respond with respect. The male can be particularly fragile and sensitive about the intimate issues related to his identity.
Once “confessed”, there is no way of return, only evolution.
Q6:
Is it true that even men fake orgasms?
Yes, it may sound strange to some, but they pretend too.
Like having a more intense pleasure than the one they really experience, for example.
A man can even simulate ejaculation with the help of a towel, a handkerchief, a condom used and thrown away hastily… or a quick run to the bathroom.
Q7:
Reasons?
The same as the woman.
He sometimes finds it difficult to reach an orgasm and, unwilling to prolong the act… he pretends.
Like her, he does it to put an end to his partner’s effort and attempts to satisfy him, to avoid to hurt her pride for not having succeeded, to spare a discussion, to make her feel like a “real woman” or to feel like a “real man”.
It may be down to resentment, even unconscious, a sense of inadequacy, shame, sorrow, or simply a rush to end a sexual rapport begun as a “duty” that he is not enjoying much.
When you come to think of it, this reveals that male sensitivity has increased.
When interviewed, many men and women say they prefer partners who may not be champions in bed, but show attention and affection to them.
After all, “sex techniques” can always be improved.
To your wellbeing,
TANIA BIANCHI is a certified sexuality counsellor, international trainer in communication, expert in sex education, Member (MBPsS) of The British Psychological Society (BPS) and on the Chartered Professional Register of the Italian Federation of Scientific Sexology (FISS).
She is often interviewed as an expert at international radio and TV programmes and a speaker at scientific congresses and conventions.
Official Webpage: www.taniabianchi.com/sexologist.html
